I have always disliked how the “being gay isn’t a choice” line implies that if it were a choice, nobody would choose it. To me, that’s insulting. I would like for my choices to be recognized as thoughtful, valid acts of my agency. But that is only how I feel about my choices. Others can and do enjoy feeling like things are “fated” or “meant to be” or “God’s plan,” and that’s also fine.
Some queer people feel that they didn’t have a choice. I definitely have had the choice in my life to partner with both men and women. At various points, I chose a woman or man as a partner because that woman or man was the person I wanted to be with. Not because I didn’t have a choice, but precisely because I did.
There’s nothing wrong with anyone feeling either way. Whether you felt or didn’t feel like you chose who to partner with shouldn’t matter to anyone but you. And what other people feel shouldn’t matter, either.
Rock on queerness, in all its forms. We stand stronger if we stand together.
-Question submitted by Sarah Factor
“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies…
